Personal experience

I have never been a fan of clubs or something else we call them here, pubs.  I raised myself throughout most of my teenage years to think my idea of a good time was jpeg after jpeg of different varieties of pornography.  And so, that is what happened.  The accumulation must be over one hundred thousand images?  Unbelievably, I doubt it is really that much.  I didn't pay a cent for it all, but it wasn't as if I was on WAREZ sites recording login details to premium sites.  In the end, it was all free and held no obligation to pay.

The fun really ended in 2003 when my personal computer was taken off me and locked up (with lock and chain) in a wardrobe.  Looking at the big picture (no pun intended), it is part of the American way of life.  As the Internet, is an American invention.  But that way of life (that I am tempted to return to) only has bearing when outsiders come in and want to change it.  When they think that is wrong.

Since 2003, that is what I must be paying for.  My past obsession,  I have asked myself in 2010 and 2011 - is it something I should accept?  In this changed world we live in, that is nearing toward what I suspect will be a theocracy, you need to be some nobody in Casper Wyoming to have a chance in hell of getting away with it.  In my isolated case, it is because of unknown outsiders that practice some kind of voodoo, it creates a problem.  Unless I want to be arrested and charged with some sexual offence, after some blonde Paris Hilton fan accuses me of rape, I think not.  I think I know better than that.  I need help and like the anti-psychotics, that help will change me.  Blame, I believe, shouldn't lay at the doormat of what I have done.  I actually think that because of others I am this way.  Just pointing the finger at pornography use is so obvious, but they are the same people who don't want to take, if not complete responsibility, part of it.  They want to wash their hands clean.

You, the reader, can go back through the archive and try to piece together the puzzle.  Because I'm not going to, today, probably go over it again.  In addition, there are things that haven't been said that have nothing to do with mainly what this entry is about.  They could be left for another time.

I already have to deal with public embarrassment and such.  It is worse when you don't really know why you have to when even without all the sex, you would have been a nothing anyway.  I regret being taken on a reputation ride (by I know who) to make or break me in every aspect of my being.

I guess old habits do die hard.  Thanks television.  Or you people from FOX.  Whoever paid generously the actress to say that.