I like times like these when I can't sleep and I log on to Blogger to let you all know. I think my food or drink was spiked again but I did drink a small bottle of Mountain Dew today and that can affect me.
However its better, because at this time of day, almost nine at night, there is no chance of me being uptight and on the edge of rage compared to say eleven in the morning when I usually am. I mean, I'm suppost to believe that it is god or some spirit inside of me, maybe Satan. But I know that it is to do with technology so because of that, it is why I would like to see my conviction overturned as I could say I was provoked to do I think it is safe to say, everything I did wrong. It wasn't me, it was a technologically generated artificial feeling that I shouldn't have felt that made me do those things. Is it happening to other people too? Is that why marijuana is popular amongst people who suffer from mental illness like myself? Is my mental illness, psychosis, more than it should be for me? The continuous music playing in my head that is like an interrogation every waking moment. I'm telling you, man, I'm dangerous... I am so dangerous. My brain is terror. Then, how many times over the last year have I told you all that?
I have thought about linking this blog through to my friends on http://www.xbox360achievements.org. I have already made many and know the regulars. It has only been about over a month. Should I be afraid that they will find this blog too up the wall? Do they already know? Maybe I will link through but from their site, in one of their threads dedicated to Facebook, Bebo etc....
To mark the year, shall I change the design of this blog? Perhaps I'll see what I can do.
You know, there is this American woman that I know that lives in this unit not too far from where I am. Most of the time I walk past her place through a park, she is there waiting for me. A bit disturbing really because she knows who I am but I don't know her. I seriously think I might know her from a past life, as in... a life I am yet to live but in the past after time travel. Wow, awkward.
I was probably like, back then, in the nineties,"Oh yeah, I'm a virgin, I'm such a winner."... saying all this stuff about me that I'm not, meeting people that would go on to haunt me after all the C.I.A. endorsed lies I told, the double life, but my yet to go back self. Maybe I even meet the love of my life back then and develop a heart to heart special relationship with her (or him, probably Asian) but all the while, unless my memory was erased, knowing that it is all a lie. Seriously, this is what I really think! If I told my doctor and nurse this, they'd think I'd have completely lost it. I have already told them, though, about the invisible people who visit me, and usually hurt me, in my own home, in my sleep. Maybe that's why I have had to endure so much of this hate campaign for so long, for almost ten years now, because it is to fulfill or compensate for the life I am about to live in the past from about 1991 to 2001, I guess. Hmmm...
I was thinking before, I need to compensate again. Since March 19th 2008 is the day I started masturbating again after I believe I was receiving a voice being high on V (an energy drink) telling me that it was okay to do so. So it has been four years, do I need to abstain again? I am months over due. Doesn't it matter anymore?
No comments:
Post a Comment