Love

I have already made it known here on this blog that I have seen and engaged with prostitutes.  Two last year and about twelve more so far again this year, all Asian.  I visited my first strip club last Saturday and enjoyed my time.

I spend a lot of time sitting in front of my computer and many times I leave that then spend time outside in the sun.  Because of the sun, my eyes water but from also being in front of those flat panel monitors as well beforehand.  We live in a changed world now but for me it was really always the same, I just wasn't aware.  Well the hurt I have from doing what I have done is minor.

I know that throughout my life so far I have had a few girlfriends, but they were all fake just like those women in the sex business.  They never loved me, they just felt obligated by a religious motivation.  It isn't until one does get woken up and realise what happened as being all shit, just shit.  Love for me was never really any different at its core, that is my point.  It is funny too because I certainly didn't realise that before then (last year) and also just recently.  For five years I was abstinent, heavily medicated, and miserable.  I was being abused by the state.  I was driven to do and say anything back in 2003 for change in my life, and quickly.  I was desperate.  But it is because of the government ultimately I am in this mess.  Without their unwarranted meddling, things might be better for me.  Life is short everyone.  Well, it can be.  How can you tell someone that you are a pedophile?  You can't.  Is my life going to be normal?  At all?  No way.