Hanging "tough"

So April 29th is the date of my last ex-girlfriends birthday, wow.  She must be about twenty five or twenty six now, in a job like Subway or something out there just out of California, with a partner in the U.S. army I believe.  Good on them.

She was z Zionist and wss good to me and I was good to her, but I ended it with her because I thought she was lying to me and the thing is, I was actually right, throughout.

She was a rather a big girl, probably too big for me today.  She had family back in the city of Philadelphia or as she would say... "back east".

Happy birthday Megan.

Another entry

Well, maybe I was thinking too positively in my last post and gave you, the reader, the wrong impression.

When I started this blog, how I am feeling right now or just a couple of days ago was how I was feeling back then, in August of 2010.  The pain can get unbearable and as I have brought up before, I don't know whether what I experience day to day is doing me any long term damage or rather doing any damage to my real health.

I am tired too, I hate this life.  I wake up every morning and I don't feel down or think, I hate this life, I don't think particularly anything.  I just wake up and carry on.

I have something to be happy about, tomorrow I will still try to sell my car and also, I get paid sooner or later.  Money can buy happiness?  Crime does pay?

A few things...

I thought a couple of days ago it was time for me to check in again.  This still stands, and that is if I do not post within six months after my last entry then you can safely say that I am dead, the United States government finally got to me... haha, only took them twenty seven years.  So make of that what you will and I hope you will genuinely mourn my passing, I would like to be remembered as truly a martyr and my martyrdom should be made to be so, martyrdom.  Killings, torture, jailings... whatever.  But I will be dead, and I won't know any different.  It is so silly though, because if I am such a threat, why am I still here?  I won't go over 9/11 again if I haven't already but there are a few things I want to touch on until my next post, if there will be one.

I only have a high school education.  A high school education is about as higher education as it got for me, then all the conspiracy anti-Semitic new world order tripe that I have taken in for the past thirteen years from such personalities like Alex Jones and his bum buddy David Icke, who will have you believe that George W. Bush and the Queen of England are really reptilian overlords.  Information, of which you can still call, that has been made so much more convenient for the pickings thanks to this American tool called, the Internet.

I know that my life could have been so much more different if only I had of changed.  If I had of given my life to god, our heavenly father, and become a devout Christian, it would have opened so many doors of opportunity for me and thus living a good life because of it, I know it.  What I chose was different.  I chose to build walls around myself, isolate myself, become a loner, then slowly learn to hate the world and everyone in it but, because everyone in the world vilely hated me.  And guess what, I am glad I made that decision.  Because I know now that I was really given a rough deal from day one.  One reason for my decision is, I am psychotic.  People with a psychotic illness such as mine have a problem understanding people or situations compared to people who are sane.  Even so, I only need just a teeny wee bit of medication to keep myself in check.  It is strange, because I don't know why I am mentally ill.  My parents don't appear to be mentally ill?  So how am I?  For at least four months in 2009/2010 I did go without any treatment and I found I was reasonably in check.  But my libido was through the roof and I could have fucked anything that walked like a rabbit.  It is funny too, because even with the mis-understanding on my end, there was also a devastating mis-understanding on the other, and that is sad.  I think the main reason though is I don't believe is this privileged bullshit.  Okay, let me explain.  If I had of become a Christian everything that would have happened to me and everyone I would have met would have revolved around god, no.  I am more of a realist also and because of that, I have lost out.  Still, I have been taught to believe in fantasy, I have been taught things that without, I think I could have had a very different life, but still a good and successful one.  As I explained to some young girls who stayed with me about this time last year briefly, I also don't believe in great men or idols, of that especially back in the U.S.S.R. and today in North Korea are tenets of communism or more how I like to describe such government with the word, dictatorship.  I hate to know this, but I do know there is a god, a heavenly father, but because of how I have been conditioned over the past thirteen years I resent him.  I live as a Satanist on the face of it, although not completely, as I do not practice black magic, however I would like to but I am weary and I see being Christian as a weakness, or being pussy.  Even Buddhism, the same.  However I do like this cat of good luck a bit, very cute.  This cat of good luck of Asia is very dis-arming and charming, I want to make love to it.

Anyway, I have my reasons and I have stuck by them for all this time.  The latest revelation that I have found to do with the bigger picture is that I have actually never raped anyone, and if I did, it was all part of gods plan, was it not?  Something to think about.

I get tired of having to harp on about this and this blog on Blogger allows me to do so.

The United Nations in New York City could be the basis of our future one world government.  Again, how I have been conditioned over the past thirteen years has taught me to hate unification.  The white supremacists of movements such as Stormfront and the black supremacists of Al Shakur both hate unity.  They hate unity because they are clearly separatists.  I made it public that I thought I would join Stormfront if Barack Obama won a second term in office, I have yet to do so.  But then I get caught up because I race mix with Asians and add to that my homosexuality, of that I believe is gods plan.  That is something I could be killed over by people of my own race.  I think what really gets my goat though is this South Korean girl I used to know and how she broke my heart so bad.  She actually was of age when I first met her, but still treated me like a piece of shit then just slaps me in the face like a thousand times by having sexual intercourse with black men.  It just makes me so angry how she could do something like that to me.  If she had of told me herself, then okay.  But instead I get communique from two ignorant righteous stupid Christians.

Who I blame for all of this though are whites.

Well, I want to thank you, the reader, for reading my blog up until now and there might be more sooner or later.  So have a nice day and treat others how you want to be treated?

An update

Just the other day I thought, my blog?  I still have it, I still have the password, I can still update it!  Yay!

Well, after my exercise regime that I did continue for the full six weeks, the six pack of abdominal muscle I was trying to achieve was leaving much to be desired, around my stomach area.  I'm proud that I put in all the effort and every time I made sure I went that bit further to try and make up the result of which was supposed to be a washboard set of abs, I didn't slack off.  Well, it didn't exactly happen I think.  I wake up in the morning, on an empty stomach and my stomach is flat.  However I do have more fat or flab around that area than usual.  In other words, I have a little extra padding than other men.  I don't know why this is exactly, but it could be because of some birth defect I have inherited, something like that.  2012 is almost over, and I turn twenty seven tomorrow, but my point is is that 2012 will be known as the year I lost thirty kilograms of weight and have managed to keep it off since I stopped the diet (but have since a month ago moved to the Biggest Loser diet) and went back to somewhat normal food.  It was extremely painful and miserable, a lot of pirated porn (a lot of time spent in front of a desktop computer), many orgasms to go with it (about two hundred) and nice wintery sunny days that I spent on my patio trying to relax between eats.  I found without a structure and how naturally disciplined I am with one, I couldn't go back to normal food period.  If I did, the weight would just pile on.  I have learnt a lot from Tony Ferguson and I have yet to sincerely thank him for his guidance in my successful journey of weight loss.

Since five weeks ago, I have put myself back on a meal replacement diet, the Biggest Loser diet from also Australia.  The first week, I dropped right down to fifty two kilograms just like that.  But since then I have slowly increased and my weigh in today was exactly the same as last week, can you believe it?  This diet also puts the subject into what is called ketosis.  A state that with the deprivation of food, allows fat to burn because you are putting more out than putting in.  Water is vital and you must drink two liters a day.

My goal was to get right down to about forty nine or fifty kilograms.  But the Tony Ferguson representatives would not allow me as they were concerned, even gravely, for my health.

So other than that, since the exercise stopped, I have been shopping, I bought a new car, been having sex with more Asian prostitutes, drinking, smoking... all by myself.  I thought I would mainly check in to let you all know I'm still here.

By god it is hot now, we are in summer.  Thats the problem, two extremes.  Too cold in the winter and too hot in the summer.  But what are ya gonna do.

Six week journey to a six-pack of abdominal muscle...

DAY ONE, WEEK FIVE

I didn't think I had it in me.  I went to bed last night feeling really unwell but overnight I recovered quite a bit.  I did one hundred and forty press-ups, crunches and a thirty minute run set at speed eight.

DAY TWO, WEEK FIVE

My used Toyota gave me an illness, the air filter must be dirty.  I turn the air conditioning on and inhale the germs I did.  It really struck me down and I still haven't fully recovered.  Usually after illnesses like this I have a different attitude to life but I think there is still a burning desire to want to keep this up.

To add insult to injury, I hurt my right arm.  My arm still functions, but I hurt it doing press-ups and there is a nagging pain at the elbow.  Nothing too serious though and it could just heal by this time tomorrow.

More of the same... I held speed nine for ten minutes on the treadmill and thirty minutes crunches.

DAY THREE, WEEK FIVE

Thirty minute run, fifteen minutes push-ups, fifteen minutes crunches, more of the same.  I have decided to experiment with whey protein shakes to replace my meal replacement shakes for muscle build and weight management, I chose chocolate.  I tried my first one this morning and taste was leaving much to be desired, but I know that this stuff is supposed to be good for me and overall I think it is something I can get used to.  According to Wikipedia, whey protein also has anti-cancer properties but remain unfounded in human experiments.  They experimented on mice.

Onward!

DAY FOUR, WEEK FIVE

My thirty minute run was a struggle today but I completed it.  The press-ups were also a struggle, I did one hundred.  I also did my crunches.  I think my struggle was mainly because of my illness that I'm still getting over, that I caught from the air conditioning of my car, so no it does not help.  I also had sex last night too.  Either this or that or other factors such as inhaling cleaning chemicals after three hours cleaning my house late yesterday or consuming more whey protein (although this should actually give me energy instead of hinder my exercise routine in any way).  I think I'm liking this whey protein.  The taste is very dull, but I think I like the texture of the drink and also I think it fills me up well until it is time to eat again (I eat at certain times).  I did hold speed nine on my treadmill for twenty five minutes mind you and I think that is a new record.

Advance!

DAY FIVE, WEEK FIVE

To round off week five... more of the same.  One hundred and thirty press-ups being the only real difference.  I look in the mirror every day but I have yet to see any evidence of a six-pack.  Unless when I am outside I look in the ranch-slider window and can see a six-pack already there with the sun showing it up?!  But they could just be stretch marks... dunno.  I should be thin but looks in mirrors can be deceiving.  I am very light, but I still have fat around my mid-section.  According to my analog readings I am dangerously underweight and shouldn't lose any more, but I'm going to ignore that and continue to lose until I collapse on the floor one day.

I need to tone, just replacing meals with shakes and eating fruit, meat and and vegetables along with them is the easy part.  I need to burn all this excess fat off of my mid-section, my arms, my legs... I have lost a lot of weight around my face.  In my drivers license photo I was eighteen and I was blown up like a balloon.  I should have been doing what I am doing now if not at eighteen, then say five years ago at twenty one.  I will be turning twenty seven in three months just before Christmas.  I wish I was twenty one or twenty two again, so much more younger, such a smaller number, so much more desirable.

Two days of rest then start on week six next Monday.  Maybe I might do the pull-ups on a frame of monkey bars and sit-ups on a slide somewhere, somehow.

DAY ONE, WEEK SIX

I have been feeling incredibly tired this morning because of sex yesterday, I fucking hate it.  Despite this, I continue with my exercises and I have been instructed to add an extra half hour to my routine, mainly crunches, to achieve this six-pack of abs that I'm not really sure I am so far away from becoming a reality.

More of the same... except fifteen minutes basketball (shooting hoops) and thirty minutes crunches.  I also did forty minutes walking as well.  My thirty minute run was a hell of a lot more easier when hydrated.  This is something else, as well as stretching, that I highly suggest you do and the author of the Independent article from the United Kingdom failed to instruct the readers to do.  Just fucking dumb and could get someone seriously injured or killed.

DAY TWO, WEEK SIX

Same ol' same ol'.  I was incredibly busy today after my exercises pretty much all afternoon, I was so tired until I got more food into me.  Onward!

DAY THREE, WEEK SIX

No training today, way too busy.  I will be back into it tomorrow though and I could do an extra week of more of the same exercises along with pull ups on monkey bars and sit ups on a slide, somewhere.

DAY FOUR, WEEK SIX

More of the same.

DAY FIVE, WEEK SIX

More of what I did on day one of this week and the other three days, adding an extra half hour to my routine.

RESULT:

I didn't do any pull-ups on bars or situps on slides and I also didn't use this TRX exercise equipment I read about either, but I'm not entirely sure whether I have a six-pack of abdominal muscle.  I certainly don't have one when I look at my stomach just now, all I see is excess fat.  But on an empty stomach and when I look in my bathroom mirror with natural light coming down through my skylight, I can see something developing there... as in a six-pack.  I can see my abdominals showing through as a pack... or is unit a better word?  But not ripped.  I can also see my obliques and ribs.  So, not entirely sure.  I bet if I continued on with this, doing my exercises on weekends and adding ANOTHER half hour (training for two hours a day), I will surely be ripped and as I said it could take another six weeks to achieve that.  And, that's what I'm going to do.  I will continue with my exercises and drink whey protein shakes to help me with muscle build.  I sure as hell know I have a hell of a lot more energy and strength than I used to.  Vegetables, fruit, meat and water... that is what your diet should consist of.  Notice how most of that food is AS IS instead of made-up, invented, processed or manufactured food.  I just love boiled steaming hot broccoli and cauliflower with dashes of salt and pepper on it, for example.  Or steaming hot broccoli and cauliflower with tomato puree mixed in.  Or well cooked spinach and sweet sprouted mung beans, a new meal I have been trying.

So I think the verdict is still out as to whether you really can achieve a six-pack in six weeks.  The Independent were the messenger, as am I, and this has originally come from a mens health magazine... not sure which.

Six week journey to a six-pack of abominal muscle...

So over the weekend I partied more but avoided beer.  I instead had GINGER beer and more vodka.  Saturday night seemed such a short night to me.  The international rugby started late as it was being played in Australia then the next two or three hours just flew by after in a club watching clothed and naked girlies dance for cash.  This was nothing new, I think I was just bothered by how I was a party of one, alone, and all the much younger people (as in probably barely legal boys and girls) surrounding me who were there with me actually... they should have been all over eighteen though.  I have also been feeling strangely frightened for no particular reason and even suicidal at dusk, before I go out, when the sun is setting.  That is nothing new either however.

DAY ONE, WEEK THREE

Ten minutes stretching.  I would like to strongly emphasize how important it is to stretch.  If you stretch well, your arms and legs, for ten or fifteen minutes, you will find these exercises much more easier.  Your arms and legs will become so much more easier to move.  When I used to do tae-kwon-doe, we would stretch for twenty minutes.  When I think back, I know now how wonderful stretching was for me to enable me to do things I just wouldn't have been able to do without it.  From today, my routine has changed.  After my stretching, I perform lunge walks (see link on how to do these).  After fifteen minutes of those, I then sprint between two trees on and off and do press ups in sets of five.  When I have stopped to catch my breath back, I do more stretching instead of standing around doing nothing.  I also do all of that for fifteen minutes.  Then I come home and do a fifteen minute run then ANOTHER fifteen minutes doing crunches.  I really enjoy the crunches because I can feel that exercise working my mid-section.  After all of that, I'm done.

DAY TWO, WEEK THREE

More of the same.  I was able to sprint between the two trees for four minutes instead of the two minutes yesterday.  On the treadmill, I held speed eight for five minutes then speed nine for five minutes, I had quite a bit of energy.

DAY THREE, WEEK THREE

More of the same once again.  But I did have a pain in my right leg behind my knee while sprinting, however it just went away as I continued on.  I also experienced a condition called gyroscopic crisis... this is a side-effect to do with my anti-psychotic medication.  This was distracting and didn't allow me to perform as well as I could have without it.  Still, I completed my fifteen minutes well and was satisfied with my performance, much better than yesterday and the day before.  I also performed lunge walks, but I see little point in how doing these help me with my six-pack, but I did them anyway.  I came home and did fifteen minutes on my treadmill then fifteen minutes crunches so once again, an hour of training.  I was almost going to reach speed ten but decided against it.  I reached speed eight.

Today, I also spoke to my dietician.  She advised me to end my low carbohydrate diet soon as they do not want to be held legally liable if anything happens to me as in something that might require me to be rushed to hospital.  This is all well and good, but I'm not satisfied still with what the diet has done for me.  I still have fat, I am thin... but not completely satisfied with how I am.  I have been on this diet for almost eight months now and I wish I could stay on it longer, but the news today has made me think against it.

DAY FOUR, WEEK THREE

More of the same.  I was able to hold speed nine for OVER five minutes.  Going by this trend, I'm getting better and better.

DAY FIVE, WEEK THREE

More of the same except I felt a pain in my right leg again behind my knee and the sprinting was a struggle at first but I actually got better at it with more power as I continued and I stopped running on the treadmill at five minutes because I was getting extremely angry for no reason, so I stopped before I burst out into uncontrollable swearing.  As you would have read, I have also been feeling frightened and suicidal at times too for no particular reason.  I do not do recreational drugs such as marijuana or ecstasy and I will think a bit more about talking to someone comfortably over the phone about how I have been feeling and especially if I feel that way again.  I will not talk to mental health professionals who have the power to change or up my medication.  They can not be trusted... and that is sad.

A rest now over the next couple of days and back into it next Monday.

DAY ONE, WEEK FOUR

So what the fuck was I supposed to do to begin this week?  I tried to find another playground on Google which has monkey bars or pull up bars and a straight standard inclined slide but the best I could find was about ten kilometers away and I just wasn't up to driving there.  I could have caught a bus but I thought no.  I will continue on and if nothing changes then I might do an extra week containing those exercises.

Ten minutes stretching, one hundred and twenty press-ups in sets of thirty and twenty, thirty minutes running and I held speed eight for ten minutes, then fifteen minutes doing crunches.  I could really feel my abdominals as I did them.

You know, I'm doubting now at the end of this I am going to have a washboard set of abs, maybe it will take a bit longer than just six weeks... as in twelve.  This dislocation or movement in my ribs came back but I continued on with my crunches.  Anyway, this day has been done and dusted.  I will be seeing my doctor this Wednesday for a medical certificate to possibly allow me to continue on my low-carb diet.  Then after, get more shakes, fruit, meat and vegetables... I hope.

I also completed another ten kilometers in about eighty minutes.  I was just sitting outside in the sun and then I asked myself whether I wanted to do another run and the answer was yes, so I did.  Please, hold your applause.

DAY TWO, WEEK FOUR

I was really sore from yesterday but I had a shake then got on my treadmill to attempt a thirty minute run.  But I had to stop at ten minutes because I had a huge stitch in my right abdomen so then I moved on to one hundred and twenty press-ups in sets of twenty and thirty then fifteen minutes doing crunches.  I got back on my treadmill and completed the last twenty minutes, I was really really close to giving up at twenty five minutes.  My legs were aching, I had a stitch (from drinking or eating just before running), then suddenly toward the end my breathing malfunctioned and I was struggling for breath.  Still, I completed my one hour and I should be happy with that.  At this point in time, I might complete another ten kilometer run either tomorrow or Friday.  I'm thinking more probably this Friday.

DAY THREE, WEEK FOUR

Maybe I attempted another run too early.  Maybe I got too ahead of myself.  I was able to complete seven point five kilometers non-stop until I had to rest once, then I finished pretty much the remainder of my distance until I rested again.  This was incredibly hard, running at seven point five kilometers an hour, no joke.  I found this much harder than what I did on Monday on the spur of the moment.  I think maybe I should have waited for Friday.  All up I did eleven kilometers.

More of the same to finish my exercising, I must have exercised for about over two hours.

DAY FOUR, WEEK FOUR

I could be coming down with a virus, I have taken paracetamol to help me recover quickly.  Because of this reason, I suspect it is because I did complete my one hour training, but not as well as I have done before.  More of the same, what more can I say.

DAY FIVE, WEEK FOUR

No training today, too unwell.  I have been infected with a mild virus or seasonal illness and I just don't have the same strength.  This has happened at a good time though!  Because I now have two days to recover before I start on week five.

Two year anniversary of UnwashedFlyer's blog

Two years now.  Either today or in a couple of days, just marking it off.  Maybe you can go back and find out on which date I founded this blog and know that way.  I won't.